Conversational Play-Doh

Transcript from a conversation with Felix this morning. We were playing with Play-Doh. The whole conversation was thoroughly serious. (Keep in mind that Felix's first language is French.)

F: Heather, you know my friend Arnaud?? He one time eat some play-doh and some more one time he eat some paper.

H: Did he get sick?

F: No. You know why, Heather?

H: Why, Felix?

F: Because he's a robot. He is mechanical.

H: Cool! How do you know he's a robot?

F: 'Cause he tell me.

H: Neato! But...he told you.

F: What?

H: He told you.

F: Yes, he tell me. You want me to make you a pizza?

H: Of course, but only if it's purple.

F: Ok! And you can make the one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple pizza eater.

H: (laughter) Felix, he ate people!

F: What?

H: It was a purple people eater.

F: No, it eats pizza like the kung fu chickens.

H: ...ok.

Hence...our one-eyed, one-horned, flying, purple pizza eater...his rock 'n' roll band...and a kung fu chicken (because apparently - little-known fact - they also like short shorts...and what chicken wouldn't, with legs like that?).



Children are wonderful.
That girl in Switzerland

"If you have found that you can change the past...

"If you have found that you can change the past by dwelling on it, then continue to do so until you meet your desired goal. Otherwise, I encourage you to learn from it and let it go." Ray Basile

Monday evening when I arrived home from Bible study, I turned on my computer screen and was greeted by a potent image of what it looks like to live in the past. I am not going to say what that image was, only that it turned my stomach. And I've been thinking about it ever since. This concept of living in the past has been on my heart and mind, and so I have a few thoughts I'd like to share.

Philippeans 3:14 says, "One thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Trust me, I've had my years of being stuck in the past. I more than understand people who find it difficult to move on - I've been there myself, and it wasn't an easy or peaceful place to be. There was so much pain, emotional turmoil, jealousy which admitting even now makes me blush, years of hiding myself from people, and what seemed like gallons of tears. It took me a long time and many painful experiences to learn that moving on hurts far less than living in a time to which you can't return. No matter what sort of pain it seems you just can't put behind you, you'll never have a fulfilled life unless you actually start living - and that means moving forward and not looking back.

Romans 12:1-2 commands us as Christians to present our bodies as living sacrifices to God as an act of spiritual service and worship, and not to conform to the patterns of this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

And so I pose this question - how will we present ourselves as living sacrifices to God if we are clinging to what is dead? The past is dead, you see - we can't do anything about it, we can't change it, and we certainly can't go back and relive it.

God is not the God of the dead - He is God of the living, as Jesus said in Matthew 22:32. This was said within the context of a conversation about resurrection that Jesus had with the Sadducees, in which he told them that they did not know the Scriptures or the Power of God. The Sadducees were well known for their opposition to the idea of resurrection. Contrarily, a popular Jewish belief was that God showed His power most visibly through resurrection. So what Jesus actually said was that when the Sadducees dismissed resurrection, they dismissed the power of God. Now, who knows if Jesus was simply referring to physical resurrection in this case - but surely if the God who made the body can resurrect the body, the same God who also made the mind can resurrect that as well. We also reject the power of God when we live as though we reject His resurrection of our minds.

Shortly after this experience with the Sadducees (literally five verses later in the same chapter - see Matthew 22:37), Jesus told the Pharisees that the first and greatest commandment is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind." With all your mind. It is so, so important to love God with all of your mind. In fact, we must love God with our minds to love Him properly at all.

In a famous sermon, John Wesley asked his listeners, "Now what is to love God, but to delight in Him, to rejoice in His will, to desire continually to please Him, to seek and find our happiness in Him, and to thirst day and night for a fuller enjoyment of Him?" And I ask you, how can we delight in Him, unless we understand what delights Him too? How can we rejoice in His will, unless our minds have studied the scriptures and know what His will is? How can we please Him, if our minds don't know what He desires? It is only through our growing understanding of God that we can grow into a deeper and deeper enjoyment of Him.

This concept is shown clearly in other relationships as well. Dating, for example, does not begin with a deeply-founded love. Oh no - it begins simply by two people being attracted to each other - seeing something they like in each other. The deeply-founded love that I mentioned only happens as those two people get to know each other, learn each other's likes and dislikes, find out what makes each other tick, and grow attracted not just to what they can see physically, but to each others' minds as well.

Am I making my point yet? To love God, we must know God. To know God, we must know His mind. And to know His mind, we must use ours. We must get to know what makes God "tick." But we cannot do this if our minds and hearts are looking into the past, dwelling on memories, and thinking about how things used to be, instead of allowing God to renew our minds so that we may love Him more deeply.

The first and greatest commandment is to love God.

I think I already adequately stated that the first two verses of Romans 12 make a clear command for us to let God renew our minds. But here's the encouraging part - God really, really wants to do this for us, just because He loves us. Zephaniah 3:17 - The Lord, your God, is in your midst, a warrior who gives victory; he will rejoice over you with gladness, he will renew you in his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. It is a litany of joy! I just love the thought of God singing over me. For me, there is hardly a more beautiful image of God's love than the one of Him singing a love song - for me.

And I wonder - what would happen if we brought our own songs into harmony with the Great Song, the song the Creator sings for us? How our lives of dissonance would change into lives of resonance and peace. If you have ears to hear...please hear God's music and join along.

I'm not writing off pain and making it trivial. Pain is real - of course it is. Everyone experiences it. But letting that pain rule you is where you go wrong.

And I'm certainly not writing off the lessons learned or the experiences themselves that taught us who we are and what we need from life. The past, with our experiences, is our basic foundation for who we are now and all the things we know. Don't divorce yourself from the past - just from the chaos that is created from holding onto sins or other pain. God said to remember the former things, yes, it's true - remember His works and His power and His ability to be the Yahweh of your life - a position that can be held by nobody else. God Himself is not limited by time. But we are, you see, and there's no going backwards.

I'm not even writing a rant or a sermon here. This is for me too. I myself refuse to become bitter at the world by looking backwards and keeping painful memories fresh. I myself choose to allow God to renew and transform me every single day. All I want is to press forward, and by doing so, glorify God and win that heavenly prize. I love God. I want to know His heart - and I want Him to know that my own heart belongs entirely to him. I myself refuse to dwell on the past.

What you do is always up to you. But life can only get worse if you cause your own strain by living in memories and not allowing God to fulfill you. So make your choices, dear Readers, but do so with the full knowledge that God wants you to choose Him - His love, His mind.

Blessings,
That girl in Switzerland

Life Needs Its Outer Horrors

For H.D.

Life needs its outer horrors.
You are right, my new friend, with all of your wisdom -
There must be a Hideousness
To stamp upon our hearts the marks of Beauty.
We are as children, all -
Running in our own already-trodden footprints,
Hanging our hats or letting them fall
Carelessly to the floor;
We search for things of Beauty
That we threw away - retracing our steps -
Looking for the fallen pearl,
The soft feather lost, the
Memory of a leaf-shadow or
The contrast to laughter
Mixed with the hyacinth or
Sprinkled along paths we have walked before.
Life needs its outer horrors -
Its scavenger's pits where we find black violets
And blood-red treasures
Among the bones and harrowed gore of all the days.
Life needs its outer horrors -
So bring them - bring all the hideous elements -
And let me brand my heart
So that it never forgets.
I love the Beauty.
I embrace it.
Life needs its outer horrors.
You are right, my friend.

That girl in Switzerland

Fanny Ribbon, in Duplicate.

Since my stock downstairs had been recently depleted, I found it necessary to raid Charlotte's toilet paper stash this morning. To my delight, she had bought a new kind...one that I had never seen before but that I found quite amusing when I also...er...found a reason...to use it. (I am not normally delighted by toilet paper...it's mostly one of those overlooked blessings...but do read on...)

Rolling the first bit off, I noticed its apparent strength and durability. My goodness, I thought to myself, just how thick is this stuff? (You can see that my thoughts are often not as impressive as my words.) So, being of the curious nature that I am, I proceeded to take the square of toilet paper apart. SIX LAYERS. Six beautiful layers of glorious soft whiteness. And each layer as thick as a normal bit of the stuff should be. I looked at the edge of the roll - every layer was perfectly visible, as we all know is not the normal status of layers of toilet paper. Is it not natural that one should wonder which will be the last square of toilet paper? This is why we begin to conserve as the roll shrinks - because we never know when our bounty will run out. It has always been a natural mystery of the known universe. But not anymore.

What was my first thought?? I've gotta blog this! I told you I think about blogging way too much.

Nobody needs six layers. It gives a whole new meaning to the term "quilted toilet paper." One square, and you're totally finished. You could diaper a baby with it, or even an adult. Do they sell this stuff in the States?

Six layers. When I was growing up (and even after I started buying it for my own place), I was doing good to get two or three. Who cares about layers...buy the cheap stuff. I thank God we don't still use various foliage. And six layers can't really be good for the pipes, now can it?

But six layers. Ahhhh...

Seriously Amused,
That girl in Switzerland

Influenzadorable!

LOL! I've been following this online comic strip for years...I check it almost every day...today's just made me laugh and laugh! Check it out! (And yes, I have looked up the word "chalant" and it doesn't exist. How do people think up these things?)

Still laughing,
That girl in Switzerland

Bored Blogging

Well, it's four in the morning, and since I'm not sleeping, I might as well blog, yes? Yes.

I left my gloves and the Hilda Doolittle book at Jules' school today - we were dashing to get the bus and I realized halfway home that I'd left them. Was really bummed. Will get them tomorrow, though. I missed the book more than the gloves today, though it was quite cold out tonight.

Went to the au pair club in Nyon tonight. Can't wait to get paid again so I can renew my train passes. I was spoiled by those train passes. I loved only paying 4 CHF for the trip to Nyon, rather than the 16 I've payed twice this week for church and the club. Hopefully by next Sunday, I'll have renewed them. That would be good.

So the au pair club. Went with a new girl from down the street - Erin - she's fun. It's always nice to make new friends. The subject at the club tonight was "What Dreams May Come." I found it very hard to describe my dreams, so I just didn't. I haven't spent a lot of time just sitting and thinking about what exactly I want for my future, other than more education. That has always been a given. But the rest is all unknown. But Canadian Culture Night is in two weeks, so that should be fun.

I'm tired. Am heading off to bed again.

Ta daahlings. Sleep well.
That girl in Switzerland

Longer than I meant it to be...

So I feel like blogging, and I had a somewhat interesting day...but don't worry, I won't blog about my whole day because you, darling Readers, would be bored if I did; instead I'll just say a few random things that apply to my day, and you can fill in the blanks yourself. Hopefully, this strategy will leave you more scope for the imagination. Some of these thoughts apply to all of my days, but I leave it to you to infer which ones.

1. This morning when I greeted Arnaud, he said, "No, it's 2009. From now on, it's French only." This is really scary. My French is still limited to extremely simple sentence structures, and when people speak quickly (so - normal speed for them) I don't understand. But Arnaud is right - the more I speak French, the faster I will learn it. This, of course, is obvious. So from now on, whenever I can say something in French, I will - no matter who is around to laugh.

2. Song stuck in my mind today - "Furious Angels" by Rob Dougan - a great song that equates love to an invisible bullet, a dirty needle, a blow to the head, a cold piece of steel between the ribs, a knife in the back, and a death sentence. A blow to the head, btw, sometimes results in dizziness (i.e. the whole world spinning around), severe nausea, and vomiting (much like the symptoms of Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo). I'd say this song has it just about right. I've never experienced a blow to the head, but I've got love and Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo down pat, along with the various symptoms shared by both. This song, ironically, is included on my ipod in a playlist that I will have had for three years in February, and that I both loathe and love. Mostly loathe. I should just delete it. But then I might miss it. It's a conundrum. But if you think I'm equating love to being sick...well, wait...yeah, I actually am.

3. Speaking of three years, I hate the number three...bad things happen in my life in random spurts of three days, three weeks, three months, or three years. It is my personalized unlucky number. We'll see how it all looks in thirty years, huh?

4. It costs 60 CHF to replace train passes. My customer number was 454 as I stood in line to learn this. Unfortunately, this is one replacement that will have to wait until at least next week. Oops, Nicole, I can't go to Lausanne with you Saturday night. Happy Birthday, though!

5. You know those girls we all hate who primly twist the chapstick all the way back down the tube before primly replacing the cap?? I HAVE BECOME one of those girls. And I didn't even realize it until today. Help!

6. Allow me to vent for just one minute, ok? Where does the blasted bank get off charging me 60 CHF to block my cards? It took the man less than two minutes to go onto the computer and do whatever was necessary to stop access to my accounts. And they're already charging me 40 CHF to get the new cards. And another 14 just to withdraw cash without a card. "Excuse me, sir, I'd like to report a possible future fraud." "Ok, miss, thank you. That will be 100 CHF, s.v.p." GRRR...I miss 5/3 Bank. Over the years, they've replaced my cards four times, with no charges at all. And I didn't even have a good reason to lose those ones - I found more than one of them afterwards in various coat pockets, which, in retrospect, weren't good holding places for bank cards. It's not my fault my bloody cards got stolen - they were in a bag inside another bag which was zipped and hung tightly over my shoulder. How did those gypsies do it?? And it isn't as if the Swiss banking system isn't among the world's richest and most stable. Do they need my 114 CHF, I ask you?? NO! 100% NO! Do I?? YES! Money-hungry blighters...And outside the Poste there are people begging for signatures on a petition to raise the wages of women who work for under 3000 CHF per month. Petition, bah - they should petition to get rid of the bloody banking fees. A pox on Swiss banks.

7. It only cost 5 CHF to replace my LIBRARY CARD! Life is worth it after all! This is why I live!

8. I spent time with some best friends today - books, at the library. And what books did I finally check out??
A. Emily Dickinson (poetry, in French and English) - because imitating her makes me want to read her.
B. Hilda Doolittle (same as above, and by the same publisher) - just because it looked cool.
C. Gone With the Wind - frankly, my dear, because I can personally relate (note the last bit of the story), and because it's time to read it again.

9. And since my mind is on literature right now, today my favorite poet is Elizabeth Bishop. Her poem "One Art" is very lovely. Tomorrow, or even tonight, my preference might change, but for just now, this is it.

10. A man on the bus today huffed and smacked his lips whenever we got stuck in traffic. He also grunted and shook his head loudly (causing his sagging cheeks to shift about somewhat) as he read the newspaper.

11. The front page of the newspaper on the bus had a story about the new Twilight movie. I have decided against watching this movie, or even reading the books. They look completely adolescent, exactly like the people who read and love them. If that was what the man on the bus was huffing about, then I thoroughly agree (though I don't smack my lips).

12. It'd be nice to see my mom. I miss her.

13. Felix loves teaching me the incorrect genders for French words. His eyes twinkle when he does this. He's charming. I love him!

14. IT'S OFFICIAL! I'VE LOST 30 POUNDS SINCE COMING TO SWITZERLAND!

15. I need new clothes.

16. Today I made a list of things I needed to do in town, and as I did extra things, I added them to the list - just so I could check them off. I waste lead and ink doing this fairly often.

17. My mind has become a running monologue. All day long I blog things internally. Curse you, blogspot!

18. The man at the Churreria always makes me feel happy. He knows the trick to getting repeat customers (of the female variety) - smile a lot, and flirt just a little. He is old, and Wise.

19. Churros make me feel happy too - but (as with the flirting) not a lot of churros...just one or two.

20. Topic studied in French class tonight - past tense verbs. Yay! My life has finally learned its past! But when will it ever learn its future?

21. Today I wondered - When does "Bonjour" technically stop and let "Bonsoir" take over?

22. Today I decided that were I more punk and less unbalanced (please note my subtle, yet correct usage of double negatives), I would learn to ride a skateboard. It could be a handy skill.

23. All day long, I have known I am blessed.

And there you have it - my day - in a delicate but tough little nutshell - so probably a pecan shell, when I think about it. It's supposed to snow tonight. Maybe it will be good for happy snowmen!

La lumière frappe, tombe sur moi.
Je sursaute -
une feuille, fendillée, craque sur le dallage -
angoisse - déroute.

Anticipating, yet with mixed emotions (or, as always),
That girl in Switzerland

In Quiet Imitation of Dickinson:

By way of explanation, I began writing a response to a Tennyson poem I was reading on the bus on my way back from church tonight (yes, yes, I know...who reads Tennyson on the bus? Even reading Tennyson on the train would be more sophisticated. Please feel free to leave mocking remarks). A few lines in, I realized that with little or no effort, I could make it look like a passable Emily Dickinson poem - so I revised and five minutes later, had three decent verses in front of me. To be fair, a more successful imitation of Emily Dickinson's poetry might have more dashes and better metaphors :-) ...but I work with whatever pops into my head at the time, so take it or leave it.

What sadness, oh my lonely Sweet,
Hath filled this blighted breast,
And how this heart hath yearned in vain
For quiet, more gentle rest.

But only hurt, and deeper hurt,
Can Empathy portray;
And only Time - with outstretched arms -
Can ice-cold pain allay.

But what a silent agony
And what a silent part -
Is there - the quiet misery
That quells the human heart.

How do you use your time on the bus?
That girl in Switzerland

"Time Goes, You Say? Ah, no! Alas, Time Stays...We Go..."

See, in what traversed ways,
What backward Fate delays
The hopes we used to know;
Where are our old desires?--
Ah, where those vanished fires?
Time goes, you say?--ah no!

How far, how far, O Sweet,
The past behind our feet
Lies in the even-glow!
Now, on the forward way,
Let us fold hands, and pray;
Alas, Time stays,--we go!

Austin Dobson (1840-1921)

Is it just me or is it really strange that it's already 2009? I mean, I just started college, like, yesterday, and now I'm finished and so moved on that I can't imagine actually being back. Well, ok, that isn't exactly true - I can imagine...but not going back, just moving forward.

And that's what this New Year is all about for me - moving forward. I've always been too retrospective...it's always been too hard to put the past behind me. In 2009 I want to make plans, fulfill those plans, and become the owner of a life of which I can be thoroughly proud.

So, in light of the New Year, and because it is generally expected, here are a few resolutions that this year, I actually intend to keep:

1. Love God every second of every day.
2. Live life to the fullest, because every moment should be treasured.
3. Get in shape (this resolution has obviously made such a difference in the past...)
4. Break that annoying habit of biting my bottom lip when I get frustrated.
5. Take better care of my passport.
6. Take life's little lessons to heart.
7. Smile more often, because it blesses other people, and me!
8. Regain my old optimism for living.
9. Take every advantage that I can to laugh, laugh, laugh.

I was thinking about something today that I thought might be worth sharing...

Life moves so quickly. Yesterday I was a child. Tomorrow I will be old. But life just keeps moving on. Years pass, faces obtain new wrinkles, hair turns gray (and at only 23, even I have found one or two gray hairs). No matter what we want or how we wish the years would slow down, this age still moves on. But I don't have to worry about my life ending. In 2009, my life won't get older...it will only get better, because it is eternal. Not just after I die, but now, as well. It's a beauty of God and His amazing plan of redemption. I don't fear Death. I fear not living. Not living my eternal life, right now.

So let me add one more resolution to my list:
10. Live every day knowing that I'm actually living for eternity, not just for myself. I just want to be a better person.

Time stays, we go...but some of us know that we only go to a better place. And we also know that while we go, we can help others go with us.

Peace and Love, Readers,
That girl in Switzerland

Paris in Love

So Paris is the city of lovers, and I could have had a few romps in the sack myself had I chosen to do so. First there was the keychain vendeur beneath the Eiffel Tower:

"Buy one, buy one, only one euro!" (And really, who doesn't buy one of those cheap things?) But after I bought one, the conversation went downhill rapidly.

"Look! Buy this watch! Only 45 Euro!"
"No."
"How much you give me for it?"
"Nothing."
"You're so beautiful. Where you from?"
"America. Look, I've bought a keychain. Those women over there need some too." I randomly pointed at a group of women.
"America?! Barak Obama!!?"
"Mm hmm." I would have left the area myself, but I was staked out under a blue Eiffel Tower eating a ham and cheese crepe. This man would have to go. Not me.
"Where is your hotel?"
"You don't need to know."
"You have a lover?"
"YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS ASKING ME THAT. GO SELL YOUR BLOODY CHEAP KEYCHAINS."
"Come on - you have a lover?"
"I SAID GO!"
He went.
(Don't worry, Mom...I never go anywhere that there aren't hundreds of people.)

And then the man at the metro:
"You have stolen my heart. You grabbed it out of my chest. My heart, it is yours. Let me spend the day with you. You are truly beautiful. Your eyes, they are beautiful."
Unfortunately for him: "No."
"You don't like me, mademoiselle?"
"No."
He went also.

There was also the forced-redundancy man in line at the Eiffel Tower:
"Parlez-vous francais?"
"No." (I do, a bit, but there was no reason for me to tell him that.)
"Italiano?"
"No."
"Allamand?" (German)
"No."
"Anglais?"
"Oui." My answering in French threw him off a bit.
"Francais?!"
"No."
"English?"
"Yes."
"Ah, it's too bad. I only speak few words in English - hello, what is your name, goodbye."
"Ok, then, goodbye."
"Oh, mademoiselle, you from America??"
I nod. I am in a line of hundreds to go up the Eiffel Tower. There isn't much I can do about this guy right now.
"California??"
"No."
"New York?"
"No."
"DC?"
"No."
"Miami??"
"No."
"Ok, where you from?"
"North Carolina."
"Where?"
"North Carolina."
"Where?"
"Caroline Nord."
"AH! CAROLINE NORD! J'adore Caroline Nord!!"
Yeah right. Like he even knows where it is.
Anyway, once he realized that I wasn't about to provide a stimulating conversation, he left too. They all leave when they find out their latest muse is cold-hearted.

The only conversation that really made me laugh was the one with the guy at a little shop on the Ave de Suffren. I had bought a Paris bag there two days earlier. After the man had found out I was American, he had asked me if I liked American chili (and yes, I do...I love it, actually). This day, as I walked by, he recognized me, and called out, "American chili! ça va?" I laughed at him and said, "Oui, ça va. You remember me?" He said, "Your eyes, they sparkle. I could never forget your eyes!" And then he asked me to go out with him that night - a request that I turned down, but told him that I was sure he would find a different girl.

His response: " Ah, I only want you. I have passed up six hundred girls before you. Please go with me. You are the only one I can think of."

Now it is true that I was impressed that this guy remembered me. But...I have heard words like these before, and not just from strangers. So with the knowledge and experience that all men who say these words are liars, I once again turned down his invitation and continued on my way.

As a side note, while I jest about romps in the sack, these men were most likely just looking to steal money from me.

Unfortunately for them, they got none of my lovin'. Unfortunately for me, I was alone in a city full of lovers. They were everywhere - at every monument, every museum, every metro. My trip was thoroughly wonderful, except for the fact that I found myself terribly lonely at the most random moments each day (and also except for my stuff getting stolen...there was that). My thoughts drifted to my parents, my brother and sister, and to one other significant person who has recently made the choice to become nameless in my world. How sad that among all the kissing couples in Paris at Christmas, I was completely alone and unsure of my ability to ever find a real and lasting love. I too (per recently ruined dreams) should have had someone with me in Paris.

To be continued,
That girl in Switzerland